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Crotchety Cougars Win Big Time Part 2

ANGEL LILY OLIVIA:  Look at this ship.  Reminds me of the tales my furry mama would tell us kits about our Uncle Smackabutt.  He was a real ladies man.  He had a she-cat in every port and they all cried whenever he left for another adventure aboard the ship, Loon A Sea.  Mama says he was quite the looker too.  He had whiskers that were long and slender…they drove girlcats wild.  His furs were soft like a baby’s butt.  That’s how he got his name of Smackabutt cause after you touched his furs you just wanted to smack that silky butt.  What a guy!                                                                  

ANGEL KIT:  He sounds like the type of mancat our mom warned us about.  A carefree gigolo that would get us in the family way and then look for better pickins’ elsewhere.  A real rounder!  Figures, you’d have weird kin, Angel Lily O.                                                              

ANGEL LILY O.  I suppose you had hard-working parents and kin!  Nobody interesting in your family, eh, Angel Kit.

ANGEL KALI:  Knock it off you two.  We all have colourful characters in our families.  Now let’s focus on our ship cruise.  What’s the name of this ship?                                                                            

ANGEL PHOEBE: Hey Angel Kali this ship is the best in the Catanna line.                                                                        The ship’s called the Floating Furball.  This ship is huge!

BUDDY: Let’s get changed and have a rousing game of shuffle board. Anyone ready to be beat to a pulp, pulp, pulp with a shuffling board?


SARABI…I am more than ready to take you on, you grey chicky. mol

BUDDY: Who’s youse callin’ a chicky, you little spotted dick? hehe. I made a funny!

SARABI:  I have stripes not spots…oh I see you’re going to call me a striped dick.  You’re odd, Buddy.  I’ll bet you 10 treats and a nip leaf I can beat you at shuffling the board.

BUDDY:  You’re on, Stripes!                                                                        

BINKY:  Wait, Buddy’s not here, yet.  Oh I see, Buddy’s taking the picture.  A bit too much nip and sun. MOL                                                                     

SARABI: Hey, grey chick-hen, we tied. Next time I’ll beat the feathers off you chicky breath.

BUDDY: That’s not gonna happen Stripes. Nyet, nyet and nyet again. My Russian is shining through.

BINGA: Anybody up for Karaoke. I feel a song comin’ on.

SASHA:  My aunt got her husband with karaoke.  She was singin’, “A Cat of Many Colours” when she fell off the stage.  My future uncle had a front table and rushed to help her up.  He was a proud member of the Royal Felines Try First Aid (RFTFA).  My aunt was ok except for some scratches caused by my uncle when he examined her.  He was kinda excited.  The rest is history.                                                                     

ANGEL PHOEBE: What’ll we sing that says it all.

ANGEL KALI: I got it. How about, “I’ve Got a Cougar By The Tail?”

  ♫ I’ve got a cougar by the tail, it’s plain to see;
I won’t be much when you get through’ with me
Well, I’m a losing weight and a turnin’ mighty pale
Looks like I’ve got a cougar by the tail

Well, I thought the day I met you, you were meek as a lamb;
Just the kind to fit my dreams and plans
But now, the pace we’re livin’ takes the wind from my sails
And it looks like I’ve got a cougar by the tail

I’ve got a cougar by the tail, it’s plain to see;
I won’t be much when you get through’ with me
Well, I’m a losing weight and a turnin’ mighty pale
Looks like I’ve got a cougar by the tail

Well, ev’ry night you drag me where the bright lights are found;
There ain’t no way to slow you down
I’m as ’bout as helpless as a leaf in a gale;
And it looks like I’ve got a cougar by the tail

I’ve got a cougar by the tail, it’s plain to see;
I won’t be much when you get through’ with me
Well, I’m a losing weight and a turnin’ mighty pale
Looks like I’ve got a cougar by the tail.♫

Songwriters: Harlan Howard / Buck Owens

ALLIE:  Yeah!!  Here’s to us.


Stay tuned for Part 3 after everyone gargles with Niperine to soothe their crackling mews.


The Cougars Drop In On Fiji

AMBER:  Did I tell you my grandfather sailed to Fiji on a pirate ship? He was brought on board to be a ratter and keep the rats down so they didn’t eat all the food.                                            

Well, Granddad Flips didn’t like the taste of rats.  He said they were a terribly coarse meat and their spiky fur made him sneeze.  Needless to say, he did a rotten job of clearing the rats away so when the pirate ship landed in Fiji, Granddad Flips took off like a firecracker was up his butt.  The pirates were really upset and looking to get rid of the cat cause Granddad Flips was eating more of their food than the rats.                                                               

MADI: How did he survive on this island? Was he welcomed or treated as an interloper?                                         

AMBER:  He loved it in Fiji and even learned the Fijian language. His favourite food was fish and he had a whole ocean full of these delicacies. Granddad Flips was a fun guy mom said and every kitty loved him. However, he had one habit that made him unique. He liked to sleep on his head. See, this is the picture mom gave me of Granddad Flips.

SARABI: Sorry Amber, but your granddad was weird. However, he is fascinating. Whatever happened to him?

AMBER:  I totally agree Sarabi, granddad was an odd character but memorable.  He left Fiji on a cruise ship, cause none of the crew on the ship, saw him sneak aboard.  He got off the ship in the UK and the rest is history.

We’re getting pretty close to the island of Viti Levu.  Look!!                                                       BINGA:  Fiji, here we come!


Wow. it’s so warm here!  There is a slight breeze.  Can you smell the Pacific?  I can, and I smell fishies!

Sasha:  Which way do we go to get our luggage?  They better be gentle with my new suitcase or I’ll play wacky paw with their chin!  Hmpf.

Ali:  Over here.  They’re just sitting here all by themselves.

Nobody’s around so we best just take them.  Come on Buddy can you get us a couple of carts.

BUDDY:  Sure nuff ladies.  I can put 3 suitcases on ebie cartee but youse guys hasta push.  Thar you gos.

I love it here.  Oh, look there’s a makeup store….. duty-free.  We must look on our way home.

BINGA:  What does duty-free mean?  Nobody did their business on it?  You mean they’d sell it with duty all over it?  Yuck!!

MADI:  This is Nadi International Airport and it’s just teeming with bodies.  Let’s get out of here before someone steps on me.  Look there’s our limousine to the hotel.                                        

Thank you so much, Mr. Limo driver. A little something for you my friend. *Kali slips the driver 5 treats and a small nip leaf.* The limo driver has a quizzical look on his face but thanks, Kali and drives away.

Wow, this is cool gals.  We each have a hut of our own.  I booked us for a week.                                        

BUDDY: My own house!! I like dis. I don’t have to share. Mine all mine!

Is anybody in the mood to go swimming?  Nobody!  OK, we’ve been awake all night.  It took 13 hours to get here so let’s have a nap and go sight seeing when we wake up.

SARABI:  Super idea, I’m seeing mice when I close my eyes so I need to chase those mice in my sleep.

The cougars leave for their own huts.

Kali walks into her hut and does a double take.                                           

I didn’t know the ocean was so close. This really is awesome.  She collapses in a lounger on the patio and falls fast asleep.

Stay tuned for the further adventures of the Crotchety Cougars in Fiji.